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Lets say you have a friend....from the past....a good friend.....and you dont see him often.....and you find out that he is a cokehead... :( :( :(

I know I havent been around this kid for years (on daily basis) I use to, but as we grew I had a family and my time was rather limited for my buddies (but Im by no means p$#%wipped). And I thought he would be smart enough...to make the right choices in life....but this is not the case...

Now that I find out....it breaks my heart. Because i grew up with the kid and I do care about him....even though he probably doesnt give a shit about me.....its just how I am. I care about people and hate to see them go down.

Ive seem many of these types...and im a little hesitatant approaching him about it. Because I know how most people react...Ive done this before.

And in most cases...the good guy gets screwed in the end...no matter how much you go above yourself to help out someone you care for.

However there is still a part of me that cares and wants to help.

I just dont know what to do or where to start. I know this kid very well and he is very ver hardheaded.....the type that always thinks he is right. That doesnt stop me though.....I still want to do something....because I feel like I should've been there for him so that maybe his life wouldnt go down that path. I also feel guilty if I dont try to help out.....so this is crazy.

Ive never ever used or even tried coke...and never will. Ive seen and lived thru too many horror stories and drama....and seen to many children and loved once get hurt by it also.....mentally, physiaclly....any way you can imagine. Ive met many types that do coke....millionares....bums...any kind of person you can imagine....and when I hear or see coke.....I usually dont stickaround too long....lets just say Ive learned my lesson....the easy way. Which I love about myself because I would really hate to learn it the hard way and put people I love thru it and effect their life also....

So even when I was young and stupid....I never messed with the stuff and always always seperated myself from people that were around coke......or any other heavy drug.

But now....I dont know what to do. I know this kid is crazy, and I have been tring to stay away from him.....so that I dont put myself into a wrong situation.....but some reason I feel obligated to help.....or at least do my part.

No matter what our friendship has been like or what its like now.....I honestly have to say that I love this kid and I want to see him do good in his life.....I care....I know his parents, and his friends and I know deep inside he is a smart kid.

What do I do? Opinions would be appreciated.....

I had to let this out....I still cant believe it.

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Hey man,

That's a really tough situation. I think you're right that you should try to help him. That's the sign of a REAL friend.

Try to talk to him, let him know how much he means to you and that you just want to be helpful. Don't tell him he's wrong, or make him feel defensive...just let him know you've seen this lead to bad endings for others and you don't want to risk that happening to him. Maybe offer getting together regularly to shoot hoops or whatever you used to like to do together.

Support him, don't be accusatory and let him know you're there for him. That's about all you can do and you shouldn't blame yourself if it doesn't work. Just don't give up on him. It could take a while.

Good luck bro. :thumbup:
 

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I think you should approach him as a long-lost friend who wishes to reestablish the friendship/communication. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to bring the topic up immediately otherwise it would seem like you are the self-righteous long-lost friend that all of a sudden comes back to condemn and criticize him. You should try your best to hang out with him and maybe have good bonding time with him- invite him to bbqs, sports games, etc. When you feel like you've re-established some sort of link again then you can raise the issue. He still might react badly but at least you can always revert to being his friend and try again at a later date.

And I agree with Spirare- No money.
 

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You've stated a LOT of reasons not to get involved.

On the flip side: The only reason you've stated to get involved is your sense of obligation and love. Well, that reason goes a long way, but from my point of view, it's not enough.

I know it's hard to watch happen. :( But it seems you can't do much at this point.

I'd be supportive when the friend decides to clean up, but you don't describe yourself as having enough sway with your friend to get him to "see the light" at this time. If you got involved, you'd be starting on a losing cause, unless you got VERY lucky. Why throw out the clout of your friendship on a losing cause. Save your friendship for when it will be the most effective--when he starts to clean up.
 

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Although I feel like mrkazoo has a reasonable plan, I wonder how much "talk" could actually help a coke addict?? Look at smokers. I've been trying to get my mother to quit for years. She STILL won't. I bet it would be a lot tougher with cocaine. Personally, I would stay away from him. I know, you really want to help him. That's noble. But from my past experiences, the farther you can stay away from drugs and people who use them, you'll be a lot better off.

Jonathan
 

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Well, the way I see it is- what are the chances of his friend quitting or getting help if someone that once was close to him decides to run away from him when he needed the help. If passaturbonium does decide to stay away I can't blame him either but I'm just saying, this may be one of the only chances his friend has.

Granted it may be a losing battle in the end, but you never know. I think if I was stuck in a rut like that, despite how much I would not want a friend to "interfere" with my life at that point, wouldn't it be great if that friend stuck with me? Who knows, it might just be the starting point to get his life back on track.
 

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People really don't change until they are faced with consequences for their actions. Unfortunately, being in the sidelines for many years, there are very few consequences that you can dole out. You need to work with the people who are in his life... school, parents, wife (you haven't given many specifics, so I'm guessing abt. the people). Be ready for a lot of abuse from him: addicts would rather confront anyone other than themselves. You will probably "ruin his life" (jail, criminal record, rehab medical bills), but we all know that the drugs will do at least as much damage, if not kill him. Helping an addict is a tough decision to see through. Make sure you're ready before you start.
 

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people have to own their own choices. its not your right or place to force your ideas on him.

let him be. if you don't agree with his ideas, don't hang out with him.

confronting never works. at least, I've never seen it work.

trying to get someone else to change, when its not family, is unfair to both you and him.
 

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I know I'm generalizing here but.... People do drugs because they need/want/desire a crutch in life. Something they can go to when little or nothing else in life brings them satisifaction. Your long-lost friend decided that his crutch was going to be drugs vs some other healthier crutch like watching movies/sports/modding their Passat e.t.c.

All things aside, I'm coming to realize that people need to make their own decisions and when they do make the decision, they need help to execute it. Don't bear down on your friend. Let him know of your thoughts and make it clear to him you would rather him be clean and give up his habit than see him get worst. Then make it very clear to him that you will be there for him when he decides to quit. Perhaps share a story of your life with him where you depended on friends to overcome a problem and let him know you will be that friend for him when he decides to give up drugs.

Then let him decide on his own. Remind him every other month but let him decide on his own. It make take a month, it may take 6, heck it may take a year or more. But if he does, and when he does, you need to be there for him if you made that commitment above. It's a lot of work but I think you'll be up to it.

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Alot of good points...thanks alot!

Linux- Im not gonna try to confront him telling him whats right whats wrong thats his decision....and I cant make that for him. However I will tell him about my experiances....and let what happen to most people that play that game.

He can take it from there....

I wont bring this up for a while....I just found out.....and my friend doesnt know...that I know. So I have to really think about what and how Im going to tell him this.....if I do.

I have 3 kids....so there is no money to be given;)....and I wouldnt give him a dime anyways.

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I think everyone here makes good points. You have to be careful. Addiction (especially to something like coke) can be very destructive.

That said, a person that is "addicted" is sick and needs help. Very few addicts clean up on their own. They need support. It's definitely a painful and difficult road, but if it were my friend...i'd do everything I could. I certainly wouldn't sit by and watch him drown!!!

The fact that you have 3 kids complicates things. I would do all you could for your friend without jeopardizing your kids in any way. This should be possible, but if you really think it's not...you should probably stay away.

I wish you the best. :thumbup:
 
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