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Discussion Starter #1
help me settle something,

Is there a an unreasonable time to come in after going out ?

What is you position on friends of the oposite sex, calling your home to speak with your spouse ?

Do you think its wrong to speak on the phone or in person with female/males friend on regular basis, that your spouse does not know about?

Should you continue or try to do all the things you did when you were single after you marry?

If your spouse was doing something that effected you emotionally, would you tell them even though it may hurt their feelings or possibly cause problems between the two of you?

Do you think its wrong that one person handle all the finances?
 

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Lisa Simpson
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1. Depends on what you agreed one beforehand. Also depends on whether you said you'd be back at a certain time or not.

2. This is an insecurity in the relationship issue unless there are extenuating circumstances. Usually I introduce any opposite sex friends to Steven out of courtesy. The other thing is that most of my friends are guys. I don't think he is too worried about it.

3. What's there to hide? If you are hiding something, you have a much bigger problem in the marriage than a telephone call.

4. Depends on what they are. If it means swinging with your 4 best friends and your wife isn't into that, then no. If she is into it, then yes. You have to consider that you have a new half and it would like to do stuff with you. If you mean hobbies like woodworking and wrenching on cars, well you just have to work it into the game plan.

5. Either talk or file papers. Think James Bond here - men are mere mortals who are not worth going to your grave for! If there is an emotional problem, there is already problems between the couple. If bringing it to the light hurts for a bit but heals them, it is worth it. Which hurts worse?

6. Neither here nor there. Sometimes Steven does everything, sometimes I do it, sometimes we both do it. I always do the taxes. He checks them. :)
 

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There is no one answer to these questions. It depends soooo much on the specific relationship.
The only one of your questions I can answer without knowing more about the specific situation is "Do you think its wrong to speak on the phone or in person with female/males friend on regular basis, that your spouse does not know about?" My answer is yes it is wrong.

It is however a really bad idea to get between your spouse and their friends. It's not fair or right.

I also think it's fine for one person to handle the finances. My wife does ours but I do all the cooking. We consider it a fair division of labor that allows us each to use our talents. I suck at doing the bills but she excells. She sucks at cooking but I excell.

Good luck!

So is your wife spending too much time with friends? This hurts your feelings? It's a bit to secret for ya? Fill us in a bit more and I'm sure the answers will be better :thumbup:
 
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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks lady,

So is your wife spending too much time with friends? This hurts your feelings? It's a bit to secret for ya? Fill us in a bit more and I'm sure the answers will be better
Its actually the other way around, i was text messaging a friend of mine alot, i'm not gonna lie like 6 times day for that last year, and i never told her. And i just met this person like a year ago. but we are only friends.

She wants me to stop, and becuase i lied about it she thinks its more that, and because i went out and came in very late she thinks im seeing this person.
 

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20vvillian said:
help me settle something,

Is there a an unresonable time to come in after going out ?
Whenever that is that you expect your significant other to be home :). As long as you are doing the right thing, and she knows....I guess.

20vvillian said:
What is you position on friends of the oposite sex, calling your home to speak with your spouse ?
No opposite sex friends...unless you both decide that its ok.....in my house....HELL NO......I dont believe in men and women friendships.....it always ends up in bed....

20vvillian said:
Do you think its wrong to speak on the phone or in person with female/males friend on regular basis, that your spouse dones not know about?
No its not ok.......would it be ok with you if she did it??? :) I didnt think so.....

20vvillian said:
Should you continue to do all the things you did when you were single after you marry?
depending on the things.....but thats really up to you and the significant other......but I would say no its not ok.....would it be ok if your wife did that???

20vvillian said:
If your spouse was doing something that effected you emotionally, would you tell them even though it may hurt their feelings or possibly cause problems between the two of you?
Yes I would, I wouldn't even hasitate.....if I dont like it, it has to stop....especially if it effects you emotionally.....if she or he love you, they will do everything in their power to stop making you feel that way.

20vvillian said:
Do you think its wrong that one person handle all the finances?
No its not wrong at all....Ive been handling all finances on my own......but thats how I have it between me and my wife......so I hope you have the same, cause you know how women like to shop.....LOL

MARRIGE IS ALL ABOUT COMPROMISE......

But these are really tough questions....because all of our relationships are different and are based, build and driven by different people.....so its really up to both of you to sit down, and figure things out and establish these things.....for example....whats cheating and whats not.....there is just so many ways you can cheat.....without having sex.
[/quote]

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20vvillian said:
Thanks lady,

So is your wife spending too much time with friends? This hurts your feelings? It's a bit to secret for ya? Fill us in a bit more and I'm sure the answers will be better
Its actually the other way around, i was text messaging a friend of mine alot, i'm not gonna lie like 6 times day for that last year, and i never told her. And i just met this person like a year ago. but we are only friends.

She wants me to stop, and becuase i lied about it she thinks its more that, and because i went out and came in very late she thinks im seeing this person.
My advice.....cut this friend off....NOW

And hope your wife.....doesnt do what you already did....... :nervous:

Good luck bro!!

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passaturbonium said:
20vvillian said:
Thanks lady,

So is your wife spending too much time with friends? This hurts your feelings? It's a bit to secret for ya? Fill us in a bit more and I'm sure the answers will be better
Its actually the other way around, i was text messaging a friend of mine alot, i'm not gonna lie like 6 times day for that last year, and i never told her. And i just met this person like a year ago. but we are only friends.

She wants me to stop, and becuase i lied about it she thinks its more that, and because i went out and came in very late she thinks im seeing this person.
My advice.....cut this friend off....NOW

And hope your wife.....doesnt do what you already did....... :nervous:

Good luck bro!!
Good advice! Besides... you don't want to escalate the situation to becoming one of these three people in this story:

http://www.clubb5.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=70959
 

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Is there a an unresonable time to come in after going out ?
>>> depends on what you talk about and agree upon. You are a team now, its not just you... gotta be respectful and think about her, at least call or something.


What is you position on friends of the oposite sex, calling your home to speak with your spouse ?
>>> part of me agrees with passaturbonium, that opposite sex friends -- especially attractive single ones -- can often cause problems. However, we can't just turn our backs on people because of that, so there has to be a balance... and limits to how 'friendly' you can each be with your opposite sex friends. Spending leisure time with them is certainly a no-no... i don't care what the excuse is.


Do you think its wrong to speak on the phone or in person with female/males friend on regular basis, that your spouse dones not know about?
>>> yes. Ask yourself this: is there ANYTHING in this conversation i would not want my spouse to know about? If you answer yes, then stop... you're heading down a dangerous road.


Should you continue to do all the things you did when you were single after you marry?
>>> absolutely not. Your life has changed. You chose to be married - that doesn't mean you should be miserable, it just means you have to learn to enjoy life with your spouse and spend time together. You have to do activities together, things you both enjoy. If you're not doing that, then you're just roommates. That's not cool. Everyone needs time to themselves to do their own activites, but you have to learn to balance that with your relationship.


If your spouse was doing something that effected you emotionally, would you tell them even though it may hurt their feelings or possibly cause problems between the two of you?
>>> If the truth would cause problems between the two of you, then should you be together?


Doyou think its wrong that one person handle all the finances?
>>> no. But there has to be a mutual understanding here about each person's responsibility in the matter. Actually no one person is ever handling the finances... because you BOTH spend money. Learning to listen to and RESPECT the CFO (as i used to call my wife) takes humility, respect and control.
 
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Discussion Starter #10
She asked me to stop talking to this friend of mine and i said i would but she wanted me to do it in front of her. I think thats unresonable
 

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20vvillian said:
She asked me to stop talking to this friend of mine and i said i would but she wanted me to do it in front of her. I think thats unresonable
I dont think it is.....because you would do the same....wouldn't you?

I would do what your wife did.......she just wants to make sure!!! Just a piece of mind.....

Look at the bright side....she is still with you. Would you be with her if she did that??? :wink:

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how about e-mailing the girl and let your wife read it first?

Telling someone you can't talk to them anymore "because my wife said so" is not a good thing -- and when you do it in front of your wife, that makes it worse... bad feelings everywhere. Make it clear that it is YOUR decision to not talk to this person anymore (it really is).

and another thing about e-mails... you should both have access to each other's e-mail accounts. There shouldn't be anything in there you wouldn't want your wife to know about anyway.
 
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Yes that makes sense but isnt this like an invasion of my privacy. i mean i'm a grown man.

I told her i would call when later like from work, but she wont accept that. She say that i would just go on talking with my freind like i have been doing, and she is threatening some serious action if i dont.
:nervous:
 

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Lisa Simpson
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I'm sensing a whole lot of insecurity here.

If Steven felt the way you guys do, I would have no friends. Heck, he would have no friends. When we lived in Philly, we both had a whole gaggle of buddies that we ran around with, singly or paired. Some of them were positively drop-dead gorgeous, but that didn't cause any problems for us. I certainly am not worried about him hanging out with or being close to other girls. If he is courteous enough to introduce them to me when possible, I am cool with it. Hiding something is just stupid.

Steve, I would invite the girlfriend over for dinner and a "meet the wife". Maybe they will hit it off, and then you will be off the hook.

The rest of you need to get your relationships more secure. If I wasn't allowed to chat with guys, I wouldn't be here. That would make me :( .
 
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Discussion Starter #15
what happens if they just start throwing knives kat! :nervous: and then my wife really thinks something?
 

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ok, two things:

1- You must tell your friend that you cannot continue to spend so much time with her because you are worried about your relationship with your wife, and that is more important (isn't it?). Let your wife know EXACTLY what you said and how you said it, the response of your friend, etc... This is why she wants you to do it in front of her, so she can see the sincerity and know its not just an act.

2- Show your wife she is #1 (isn't she?). She needs to know this.
 

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atomicalex said:
If Steven felt the way you guys do, I would have no friends. Heck, he would have no friends. When we lived in Philly, we both had a whole gaggle of buddies that we ran around with, singly or paired. Some of them were positively drop-dead gorgeous, but that didn't cause any problems for us. I certainly am not worried about him hanging out with or being close to other girls. If he is courteous enough to introduce them to me when possible, I am cool with it. Hiding something is just stupid.
yes, its the hiding part that is dangerous.

atomicalex said:
Steve, I would invite the girlfriend over for dinner and a "meet the wife". Maybe they will hit it off, and then you will be off the hook.
Good idea. But it sounds like there is already some bad feelings going around... might be too late for that. :nervous:
 

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What do you have to hide? There is no competition between my guy friends and Steven over me, why would there be any competition between your friend and your wife? If there is, then you have not been upfront with either of them. If you have not made your marriage first in the eyes of your girlfriend, then you have made a mistake.
 

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20vvillian said:
She asked me to stop talking to this friend of mine and i said i would but she wanted me to do it in front of her. I think thats unresonable
you have a winner already,she <u>asked</u> you to stop talking to her she has enough respect and is mature enough to talk to you about it. how many other people would just blow up and fight instead. Maybe all 3 of you can sit an talk about it. If your friend is really a good friend, than she would understand and would not allow you to sacrifice your marriage.
 
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vwfam said:
20vvillian said:
She asked me to stop talking to this friend of mine and i said i would but she wanted me to do it in front of her. I think thats unresonable
you have a winner already,she <u>asked</u> you to stop talking to her she has enough respect and is mature enough to talk to you about it. how many other people would just blow up and fight instead. Maybe all 3 of you can sit an talk about it. If your friend is really a good friend, than she would understand and would not allow you to sacrifice your marriage.
She is a good friend but not an old one, as far as her respecting my marriage, i dont know she is constantly having trouble with her own relationship.
 
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