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Punches Dubs. True Story
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Discussion Starter #1
Tonight, I made chili.
Then, I ate some chili.
Soon, we will go to bed.

I only think of this now because I am sitting alone in the office and, well ...I almost killed myself just now. Good lord, she's in for a world of hurt this evening.
 

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Salty Moderation Stylez
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12,665 Posts
Here I go thinking.. Shit what happened, they just found out about another pregnancy, and should be on cloud 9.

Then I open to this... Lol

Post of the year!
 

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Grinding Gears...gone fishing!
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22,620 Posts
did you SHART!!!

for those that may not know...

1. shart 2134 up, 139 down
a small, unintended defecation that occurs when one relaxes the anal sphincter to fart (blend of "shit" and "fart")
I sharted at the party last night and
went home pronto to change my clothes.

by Foof Mar 27, 2003 email it
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2. shart 1059 up, 122 down
When one farts and a little shit comes out.
We gota go, dude.
Why?
It's an emergency!
What?
I sharted, dude.
What's that?
Sharted!
Huh?
I farted and a little shit came out!

-Along Came Polly
SEE THAT MOVIE

by The Person Jan 27, 2004 email it

3. shart 948 up, 102 down
gas followed by mass.
that's the third time i've sharted this week - perhaps i should look into disposable boxers.
by fycfan#1 Apr 20, 2005 email it



4. shart 543 up, 110 down
To Accidently Shit While Trying To Push Out A Fart..In Other Words To Gamble And Lose
Tony Was At The Park and A ilent But Deadly Wound Up Being A Shart
by Sabe 1 Mar 14, 2005 email it

5. Shart 436 up, 65 down
A cross between farting and dropping a load in your pants. Typically of a runny consistency. There are 5 categories of Sharts. Also known as a Foop.

Cat 1) Wet Sensation
Cat 2) Wet Underwear
Cat 3) Soak thru to inside of pants
Cat 4) Soak thru pants (Visible to general public)
Cat 5) Runs down to socks. (Oh my god, run for your life)

Anything of Category 4 or higher require showers. The lesser categories can be dealt with using alternative cleansing methods.
On the way back from lunch yesterday I noticed Art was having a hard time making it up the stairs. As we reached the pinnacle of the staircase Art looked to me and said "You gotta cover for me, I just Sharted". He then wiggled out of the building and drove home for a shower.
tags shart foop fart poop runs mistake
by Big Daddy R San Diego Dec 28, 2005 email it

6. shart 431 up, 86 down
v. - The act of farting in hopes that it will just be air, but to ones' dismay...a little shit comes out.
I thought it was just a little gas...but no...it was a freakin' shart.
by cathrynRules Feb 11, 2004 email it

7. Shart 240 up, 89 down
v.,n. - to accidentally shit oneself while attempting to fart
I accidentally sharted myself.

Did I get some shart on you?
 

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Dude, HAHA! I thought it was something SERIOUSLY wrong, I was worried for a moment.

On the other hand, depending on how much chili you ate, it could be serious!

Now, what's important here is what kind, how much, with or without beans, and was there any hot sauce or cheese added?
 

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RETIRED Super Stealth Moderator
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27,902 Posts
hah! I've been telling my wife for years that I'm terminally flatulent, and that I'll die of it one of these days! :lol:
 

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RETIRED Super Stealth Moderator
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27,902 Posts
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to blow them out.

Then one morning as she was preparing the turkey for Christmas dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter?
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.

But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, think I got most of them back in."
 

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Oh that was funny. Nothing like waking the wife up in the middle of the night. Apparently not too long ago I was loud enough to actually rattle shit on the walls and wake my wife from a dead sleep while I just snoozed on throug the night. :D:D:D:D
 

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Shouldn't this thread be in the Black Hole?
 

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6th Grade
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For the first time in a long time, I was gonna pray for something. Traub, you deceitful bitch!

So, I just prayed that your wife ate more chilli than you did.
 

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Here I go thinking.. Shit what happened, they just found out about another pregnancy, and should be on cloud 9.

Then I open to this... Lol

Post of the year!
I was thinking this was going to be serious, like she was stricken with cancer.

Good God, you had me worried man! :lol: :thumbup:
 
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