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I got this and I am not for sure if it is a repost but it had me in tears...ENJOY!


As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the
WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at
work, following is the survival guide for taking a
dump at the office.

CROP DUSTING:
When farting, you walk really fast
around the office so the smell is not in your area and
everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it
came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop
until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30
feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY:
The act of scouting out a bathroom before
pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If
there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
FLYER. People may become suspicious if they
catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE:
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at
the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually
accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment.
If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to
the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it.
No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable
for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK:
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out
at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of
diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not
panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what
just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH:
The act of flushing the toilet the
instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the
amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME:
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to
the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a
very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with
farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can
be minimized with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud
of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper
enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
under their arm. Always look around the office for
the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

SAFE HAVENS:
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the
building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that
are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce
the odds of a same-sex pooper entering your bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR:
Someone who does not realize that you
are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one
of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can
occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain
in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will
avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH:
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants
into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to
cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd
Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with
an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE:
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert
potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a
stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON:
A poop that creates a loud splash when
hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident.
If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion.
See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET:
A case of diarrhea that creates a
series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often
accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED:
A bathroom user who seems to linger around
forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror
or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the
crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty.
This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.


:lol: :lol:
 

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Man, I don't know about you guys, but there's just something satisfying knowing that you're getting paid to take a shit when at work! Someting pschological that just loosens things up!

(wups... T.M.I.!!!)
 

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chrisyoon said:
Man, I don't know about you guys, but there's just something satisfying knowing that you're getting paid to take a shit when at work! Someting pschological that just loosens things up!

(wups... T.M.I.!!!)
LOL! Hell ya! I save mine for work! Their industrial toilets have some serious PSI. The 1.6 gallon toilets in my house.....Pfft! There is only about 3 other guys I work with and 1 main toilet. So we have to verbally or nonverbally warn each other as a common courtesy. That, and spray some smelly floral fragrance. Ends up smelling like someone crapped a dozen roses.
 

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i think the absolute worst is being in the stall and someone doesn't realize it and comes in muttering to themselves. then they hang around in there longer than necessary, looking in the mirror or doing god only knows what... :shock:

Kinda like the TURD BURGLAR... but minus the banging on the stall door.
 

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the bathroom at my workplace is such a dump... i dont think it ever gets cleaned. i wouldnt drop a deuce in there even if im getting paid!!!! :thumbdow:
 

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LMAO :lol:
 

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NJRrado said:
the bathroom at my workplace is such a dump... i dont think it ever gets cleaned. i wouldnt drop a deuce in there even if im getting paid!!!! :thumbdow:
When I read this post it reminds me of a picture someone posted of a really horrid looking bathroom can't recall what thread it was though. :mad:
 

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LMAO. Like what's up with the people that as soon as they enter the bathroom they just let farts rip like they have entered some different dimension where farting in public is ok etiquette. Just today I thought this guy just about crapped his pants at the urinal.
 

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so when you are on the crapper, do you lean over and look under the stall to see who's over there. Maybe to see if you know them?

Also, you have to wait until your coworkers that sit near you come back from the restroom before you can go yourself.

I wonder if all of this most applies to guys. Women love to hang out in the bathroom and go in pairs...what's up with that. Guys are so the opposite, we will stand a few urinals apart usually and not talk, even tho you know the guy.
 

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The worst is when I am unfortunate enough to have to take a whiz and a colleague with a persistent lower GI problem comes in. Man this guy plays Beethoven's ninth out of his arse and winds up the symphony with a recreation of a b52 bombardment.
 

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I just got back from the bathroom, and break room, and had a little discovery I had to share...

I walk in, and hear the rustling in the stall. No courtesy flush at all. WHEW... happy to get out of there. Anyway, to my point. I walk out of the breakroom, and see someone walking up the steps with a book in his hand. Now knowing that I got out of the bathroom myself just in the nick of time saw the glorious daily pooper-er walking out. Book in hand, so happy of the relief, and knowing he is getting paid to sit on the pot. :thumbup:

Pretty funny how the above statements really hold true.
 

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AJChenMPH said:
Whatever happened to Salty D's thread about this very topic? :lol:

Andy
Andy, you ask and you shall receive. :lol:
Ok guys if you think this thread is funny read this one but be warned its three pages long. :wink:

Can a fella get a "Courtesy flush"?!?!
 

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This always reminds me of "The Worst Toilet in Scotland" from Train Spotting


I just installed a new THRONE at my house! Chair high :bow: w/ extra long bowl so your junk never touches anything :D
 
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