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My wife won't let me do anything with the passat. She says its a waste of money and wants to keep it stock. She thinks I'll be "racing" it all the time and trying to attract other girls attention. Its gotten down to shes threatening divorce if I do anything to the car. Im making the car payments on it monthly so shes not having too. Only thing i've done to it so far is the GIAC chip, from which she don't know about since she never takes it above 3000rpm.

It stems from bad experiences with my 95 honda accord. In my "boy racer" days, I had a constant urge to race anything on wheels. I went through the big rims, fart can exhaust. I blew the original motor on the car at 137k miles. The original auto tranny went out at 133k miles. SO I swapped it to 5 spd ($500) and then the original motor blew 4k miles later. Then we dumped down about $2600 for a complete H22a vtec motor swap. I got that in and running, was happy with it for awhile (but it was loud) and I had no AC/powersteering. Then I sold it to a friend (who had a ford festiva) for $3000 bought a 1994 chevy silverado pickup for 7500 bucks, moved to kansas where gas was 30 cents/gallon higher than florida, wallet took a beating, then I traded it in for my Passat I have now. Im having constant urges to mod but no $$$ till I complete school and start my career.

How can I convince her to let me do some modding? Shes 19 years old and her grandfather is a hippocrite telling me not to race and preach about how it "ruins" engines but he comes around and brags about taking out Chevy's from a stop light in his dodge hemi truck. I guess because my car isnt a V8 that its worthless for mods? He's already done some exhaust mods on his.
 

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I got this user title because I'm old and special
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Cars are an expendable consumer item. They degrade. They are not an investment.

It is like having running shoes and not running in them. The more you run, the faster they wear out, but they will wear out and dirty faster if you don't take care of them. Cars are similar.

I would tell her. OK no Mods. Next time she wants anything that isn't needed for herself, tell her NO! It is a waste of money!

Getting her hair curled, colored. Waste of money. Who do you need to impress?
Getting those fancy jeans. Waste of money. Normal jeans do the same job?
Pedicure, manicure. Waste of money. It comes off, and who are you impressing?
New furniture, shoes, dinner with friends, etc. Waste of money. They are all wastes of money.

The fact is we buy stuff and do stuff for ourselves that make us happy. Some seem logical like eating a good steak or getting a massage. Some seem illogical to others like building a new computer, surfing, new hair color, new tattoo, a new diamond ring, or modding a car. However, different things make different people happy. She should respect this.

If she is against what makes you happy, I see a problem with this marriage. She should be behind you as long as it doesn't jeopardize your other commitments to your family (financial, time, etc). You can't put a price on happiness, but it seems like your wife has. This could be the beginning of a substantial problem.
 

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I hope you're joking about the threatening divorce thing. :thumbdow:
 

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Lisa Simpson
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I can understand her concerns. I think you should sit down with her and discuss what you want to do to the car. Tell her that you understand her points and you are not out to race any more, just change the car a bit to make it more personalized.

The most important is to set a budget. I didn't get a project car until I had a budget set down that both of us could agree on. I don't make purchases for the Passat over $50 without telling my husband about them. And I absolutely have a fixed budget for the Passat also.

The grandfather is a relic from another time. You need to confront him gently - "so why is racing pickup trucks at stoplights any different than racing *insert car*s at stoplights?" He will never change, but you can establish that you dont need a hemi to be a good man.

You may be fighting a losing battle. 19 is young. Your priorities need to be straight first.
 

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If I'm not reading too much in between the lines there, I'd say your wife is in a stage of growth not expenditures. She's distinguishing between the needs and the wants. Sounds to me like she might be thinking house, family, retirement planning, etc. Then again, threatening divorce is serious so I might be wrong. Don't listen to me.


BTW... she's 19 and married? dang... how old are you?
 

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My gf was against modding my Passat, then I just did it and she started licking it. She was never keen ont he Kamei sport grille and refuses to le tme do it to my A6.

She grew in the sport springs, but she likes a car that handles well since she had a MB 190E which drove like a dream. She loved the 17" Borbet Type S wheels too. She was against the chip totally, but she knew it made me happy and she enjoyed the spirited drives. So it too grew on her.

Honestly, I can see her fear after knowing how you "used" to be and the money you sunck into that Honda. It's only natural to be skeptical. If you have matured and are past thosedays then it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Just slowly chip away at subtle mods and see how it goes. That's what i did.

FYI, in the end my gf wanted me to get another set of wheels, a rear sway bar and tint the windows. So there ya go. Oh and we've been together for 6 years not counting that little 8 month hiatus the other year.
 

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OCTICK said:
Cars are an expendable consumer item. They degrade. They are not an investment.

It is like having running shoes and not running in them. The more you run, the faster they wear out, but they will wear out and dirty faster if you don't take care of them. Cars are similar.

I would tell her. OK no Mods. Next time she wants anything that isn't needed for herself, tell her NO! It is a waste of money!

Getting her hair curled, colored. Waste of money. Who do you need to impress?
Getting those fancy jeans. Waste of money. Normal jeans do the same job?
Pedicure, manicure. Waste of money. It comes off, and who are you impressing?
New furniture, shoes, dinner with friends, etc. Waste of money. They are all wastes of money.

The fact is we buy stuff and do stuff for ourselves that make us happy. Some seem logical like eating a good steak or getting a massage. Some seem illogical to others like building a new computer, surfing, new hair color, new tattoo, a new diamond ring, or modding a car. However, different things make different people happy. She should respect this.

If she is against what makes you happy, I see a problem with this marriage. She should be behind you as long as it doesn't jeopardize your other commitments to your family (financial, time, etc). You can't put a price on happiness, but it seems like your wife has. This could be the beginning of a substantial problem.
WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

Just tell her you're RICK JAMES.......................... :bow:

But seriously, in my opinion, you got married way too early. But then again, you knew what you were getting into when you said "I DO".
I was with my XX for 7 years and she was agains the modding and racing way back when. But I did it anyways since I knew she wouldnt notice the difference anyways. But your situation is different since you're binded to her. Best of luck to you!
 

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well my friend , my ex never wanted me to do anything to my cars either, i would do them and get shit on after, yet she would go out and spend money on the most useless crap(i never bitched). it has to do with the perspective that the other person has about what you are buying.
i see the reasons why i spend my money on what i do, i would not tell her what to buy and i expect the same treatment from her.

now if we were both saving for a common goal and i was spending needlessly she would not be out of line, to tell me to keep my $$$ to put towards the goal.

have a good talk with her and get your feelings out and let her get hers out too, tell her what is important to you and listen to what is important to her and make her understand that you work hard for your money and need to see a little return on it for yourself.

keep one thing in mind tho, there needs to be a balance, you don't put money on the car if your putting something else in peril or neglect.if you make 30k a year don't spend 15k on your car :)

i hope it works out for ya :thumbup:
 

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tell her you'll trade her in for a newer model if she doesn't let you mod. just kidding you should do what atomicalex said and remember a marriage is give and take so you need to give her something she wants if you want mods...

My wife just took a trip to vegas with her friends so I am going to Reno with my brother soon...
 

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pancreas said:
My wife won't let me do anything with the passat. She says its a waste of money and wants to keep it stock. She thinks I'll be "racing" it all the time and trying to attract other girls attention. Its gotten down to shes threatening divorce if I do anything to the car. Im making the car payments on it monthly so shes not having too. Only thing i've done to it so far is the GIAC chip, from which she don't know about since she never takes it above 3000rpm.
Uh yeah, she's right, modding a car is a complete waste of money - no doubt about it. Did you tell her about the GIAC chip? Did she find out about that later? What's the story on the GIAC chip - I'd like to know about that. Doesn't this all really stem from money though? She probably wants to get in a house, start a family and not see all the money get pissed away on a stupid car. As much as I love my Passat, I see it for what it actually is - the biggest waste of money on the planet - sorry but it doesn't make money - it loses money. It costs money in maintenance, depreciation, value and mods are even that much worse. I say if you can't afford it, don't do it. Finish school, pay off your student loans, pay off that vehicle, pay off your credit card debt, get into a house and then fiddlefart with the car. Yes it may take years and years - big deal.

pancreas said:
It stems from bad experiences with my 95 honda accord. In my "boy racer" days, I had a constant urge to race anything on wheels. I went through the big rims, fart can exhaust. I blew the original motor on the car at 137k miles. The original auto tranny went out at 133k miles. SO I swapped it to 5 spd ($500) and then the original motor blew 4k miles later. Then we dumped down about $2600 for a complete H22a vtec motor swap. I got that in and running, was happy with it for awhile (but it was loud) and I had no AC/powersteering. Then I sold it to a friend (who had a ford festiva) for $3000 bought a 1994 chevy silverado pickup for 7500 bucks, moved to kansas where gas was 30 cents/gallon higher than florida, wallet took a beating, then I traded it in for my Passat I have now. Im having constant urges to mod but no $$$ till I complete school and start my career.

Good examples - so now I see that you actually do understand that vehicles are just black holes for your cash. You blew a bunch of money on that Honda a car that you probably make fun of when you see it now, especially how dorky those kids look. Your wife probably sees this and remembers or is reminded how much money you wasted back then and 5 years from now you'll think that about Passat's rolling around with fartcans, big expensive rims and tires, looking like a rolling monument to wasted money. Are we learning anything yet?

pancreas said:
How can I convince her to let me do some modding? Shes 19 years old and her grandfather is a hippocrite telling me not to race and preach about how it "ruins" engines but he comes around and brags about taking out Chevy's from a stop light in his dodge hemi truck. I guess because my car isnt a V8 that its worthless for mods? He's already done some exhaust mods on his.
I've got news for you, Grandpa is old and his shit is paid for and he doesn't give a rats ass if he buys it racing his Hemi at a stop light. His alternative is drooling in a cup in a wheelchair at a nursing home with someone shoving a bedpan up his ass. I had to watch my Grandmother go through this. She would have tried to kill herself racing her Pinto if she knew she had THAT to look forward to. I'm only joking but you can't compare what your Grandfather does to what you do, he doesn't want to see his Granddaughter a widow is all.

Just relax kid, to me you sound like you're on a path to financial and personal disaster - I would not mod the car if your wife is uncomfortable with it - I would focus on school - there's plenty of time after your career is established to waste your money on your car. ;)
 

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I have to wonder if she is threatening divorce over you modding your car... that modding your car isn't the real issue. It sounds like you guys are pretty young still. I can imagine its harder being married at that age because of financial and other maturity issues, and things that you just haven't been thought yet. If its a matter of money.. then, yes... modding and other things that she could be doing can be an issue. If she is just saying you can't mod for the hell of it and trying to be the boss.. then there is some issues you need to talk to here about.

Yeah, I think it might be a good idea to remind her that you have your car and she has her luxuries and hobbies,etc but don't let your relationship get to the "tit for tat" point. That's no way to have a relationship. Also, don't let other people get in the middle of your relationship, like her grandparents, parents, friends,etc.

And and cheezy as this sounds... communication is the key to a good lasting relationship. Don't hold grudges, talk it out so you can see things from her point of view and she can see why you feel things are important.

For the past 2 years I have not gotten a single toy or mod for my car. I am still rolling stock wheels. But, I realized there were more important things to spend my money on.. even as much as I would LOVE some new wheels. Instead I decided to get married (engaged now), we bought a house, and are paying off our credit cards. So, maybe your wife has other plans, like a house, kids, etc... but AGAIN, you need to talk to her and communicate with her about these things. Maybe you have plans too, but are looking at the here and now. Live for now but plan for the future. :)


Good luck,
Kevin
 

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Have you seen that Jack-In-The-Box commercial where the wife asks "you want me to be happy, don't you?". She states her request, Jack responds "consider it done".
Then it's Jack's turn to ask "you want me to be happy, don't you?"

I think there's a lesson there for you... :lol: :wink:
 

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Well I can be empathetic in one way. I was married to a guy that hated the fact that my passion was cars. I completley gave up my passion of cars and it really killed me inside. He didn't understand. I tried to compromise with the modding/shows thing. I worked at home on our business and watched a child to get extra money. Saved the money to buy a few things here and there. Made sure it never took from the money our business brought in. I also compromised with car shows. Only going to about 2 maybe 3 a year. Still he got so pissed at me and hated how I loved cars. He was so worried that going to all the "car things would just make it where all the guys would be all over me". This whole thing stemmed from something deeper then my passion of cars. I wish you the best of lukc. :)
 
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