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3,813 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into
all other programs and now monitors all other system activity, such as
Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I
can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my
favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but
the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is
impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once I

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook
It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the
only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional
software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

I'm Urlik's Hero
9,784 Posts
Oh my, you're going to get all the repost junkies in a sweat now!

Sit back and wait for the "Welcome to...." "We've gone back in time...." pictures too.

Still makes me smile though, thanks for posting :lol:

3,813 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
mycarsavw said:
Oh my, you're going to get all the repost junkies in a sweat now!

Sit back and wait for the "Welcome to...." "We've gone back in time...." pictures too.

Still makes me smile though, thanks for posting :lol:
Repost? Uh oh-:nervous: How the heck am I supposed to search for a story like this :p

2,728 Posts
I don't think this was ever posted in PW so technically its not a repost but dang, it seems like I get this email to me (along with 1000 other email addresses in the TO: list) every year.
This and a whole bunch of "...pass this along to 10 other friends and your will be blessed with wealth" email

4,721 Posts
Dear All,

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me
your e-mail letters over the past few years.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and wealthy.

Because of your concern...
1. I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
2. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with a deadly disease.
3. I no longer use cling film in the microwave because it causes cancer.
5. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
6. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
7. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
8. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
9. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogen they
contain will change my sexual orientation.
10. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
11. I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me, take my kidneys
and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
12.. Thanks to all of you, I have learned that God only answers my
prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within
5 minutes.
13.. I no longer have savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has
been dying for the past seven years
14. I no longer have much money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail programme.

I will now return the favor......

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 PM
tomorrow and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I
know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend
of a friend's neighbour's cousin, and he's a lawyer!

6,241 Posts
mfitz said:
:lol: :lol: :lol: Literally laughing out loud.I hadn't seen that one before. My 3 year old is asking "why you laughing daddy, why you laughing?".
Can't recall ever seeing this one either. :lol:

769 Posts
its mine and i want it back!
no more oggling at my golden post :pissed:

JimBob your camels dont scare me - and bird droppings are nitrogen rich and delicious - not to mention very very mosturizing.
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